🔗 Share this article

When I grew up in the 1990s, the government gave the impression that income inequality based on sex was most effectively handled by informing young women that they could do anything. Splashy, lurid pink ads convinced me that structural and social impediments would crumble before my self-belief.

Scholars have since debunked the notion that someone can transform their existence through upbeat attitudes. An author, in his book Selfie, analyzes how the capitalist fallacy of equal opportunities supports much of personal development trends.

However, I still feel that still believes that by putting in the work and glue together a solid dream collage, I should be able to attain my most ambitious goals: the single obstacle to my future lies within myself. Where can I locate a state of balance, a stability between trusting in my unlimited potential but not blaming myself for each setback?

The Solution Lies in Self-Effacement

The solution, as stated by an early Christian thinker, a North African Catholic bishop, involves modesty. He stated that self-abasement was the foundation of every other moral quality, and that for those pursuing divinity “the primary aspect is humility; the second, modesty; the third, self-effacement”.

For a lapsed Catholic in my case, the word “humility” may trigger a range of negative emotions. I grew up at a time in religious history when caring about your looks constituted the sin of vanity; sexual desire was unacceptable outside of procreation; and merely considering self-pleasure was a punishable offence.

I doubt that Augustine planned for this, but for many years, I mixed up “humility” with embarrassment.

Constructive Meekness Does Not Involve Self-Hatred

Embracing modesty, as per doctor Ravi Chandra, does not mean self-loathing. Someone who is healthily humble values their abilities and accomplishments while admitting that there is always more to learn. He outlines multiple forms of modesty: cultural humility; respect for elders and youth; modesty in knowledge; awareness of limits; humility of skill; meekness in insight; humility of awe; and meekness during hardship.

Studies in psychology has likewise discovered a range of benefits stemming from open-mindedness, including increased toughness, acceptance and connection.

Humility in Practice

In my work as a pastoral care practitioner in aged care, I presently consider meekness as the effort of focusing on someone else. Modesty serves as a centering practice: returning, breath by breath, to the floor under my feet and the individual across from me.

A few people who share with me identical stories about their past, over and over again, during each visit. Instead of watching the clock, I attempt to hear. I try to stay curious. What lessons are there from this person and the memories they hold onto amidst so much loss?

Creative Quietude

I try to live with the spiritual mindset which expert Huston Smith described as “inventive calm”. Thinkers from Taoism encourage humans to silence the self and reside in sync with the natural order.

This could be particularly important amid efforts to restore the destruction people have inflicted to the natural world. As written in her work Fathoms: The World in the Whale, writer Rebecca Giggs clarifies that being humble enables us to re-connect with “the inner creature, the being that trembles in the face of the unknown". Taking a position of humility, of not-knowing, allows us to remember our species is a part of a larger whole.

The Elegance of Modesty

There’s a desolation and gloom that comes with thinking everything is possible: triumph – be it getting rich, reducing size, or winning the presidential race – becomes the only acceptable option. Modesty permits elegance and failure. I embrace meekness, rooted in the earth, which means I have everything I need to develop.